Wayne's Job
Saturday, March 5th 2011
Last week Wayne got a job. I'm not exactly sure what he's doing but I think it may have something to do with cleaning.
Wayne told me the reason he wanted a job was to be able to make his own money and not rely on his parents/siblings/friends. Also, he can buy whatever food he wants, and he can get what he whatever material item(s) he wants. He desires his own car, a new computer, and a girlfriend.
I can understand him desiring a car, a new computer, and other stuff but why a girlfriend when he has Eddie do everything he needs/wants? Eddie cooks, cleans, tucks him into bed, tells him bed stories, makes sure he's OKAY, and anything he could possibly think of!
But Wayne did tell me Eddie can't fulfill everything, especially his "manly needs" as he calls them. I have absolutely no idea what that means! What does it mean?! Ins't telling him bed stories "manly needs"? I guess not according to Wayne! Damn him!
So, it looks like I've lost a good friend to a job and soon a girl! Damn you Wayne, damn you!
That's all for now!
The Sound of Crying Children
Saturday, February 26th 2011
I must admit the last few days have been rather creepy! Eddie somehow got his hands on Wayne's radio, and won't give it back to Wayne. Eddie also disappeared for a day or so; I suppose he went off to a nearby park to tape the children there, that way he could have the sound of a baby(ies) crying. I guess he wants Eglantine to cry. Creepy!
Anyhow, the last 2 nights Eddie kept me up with his tapes of crying children! ALL NIGHT LONG! Until I finally decided to sleep in the cellar, and now I smell like dirt from the cellar's floor, and I can barely see. My head aches, and every bone in my body is tired and aching. I might have to bash that radio in! If I can at least get my hands on it!
And now I'm sitting on the cold cellar floor typing this on my laptop!
That's all for now!
St. Jacobs
Wednesday, February 23rd 2011
This morning Eddie woke me and Wayne rather early. He then told us to change our clothes, and get in his van. We did as we were told for feared of upsetting Eddie. As you've read before, Eddie becomes rather insane over simple things.
We didn't really know where Eddie may be taking us, so I brought a sheet of paper and pen to write down the streets and towns we passed, that way Wayne and me could get back eventually if Eddie left us stranded.
Wayne just sat down, closed his eyes, and softly whistled until Eddie became annoyed and whacked him over the head with his ice scrapper. That sent Wayne into a short slumber.
After 10 or so minutes we arrived in St. Jacobs, and that's when Eddie kicked us out of the van, and threw us a bag of food and drinks. He told us in a rather sweetsy voice he'd be back for us around 2:00 pm, and it was only 6:00 am!
Once Eddie drove off, Wayne suggested we visit Waterloo, since we were quite close. But I told Wayne we should go and explore the park area, because we may find something epic! Wayne liked the sound of that, and so we explored!
We ventured to a small bridge which lead over to the trail, and that is where we began our exploration! The trail followed a small river, and soon we passed another bridge leading east, and a train track overhead.
We soon found a little passage way which lead into a wider opening. There was a log (I think a bench-like one), many trees, and a river nearby. Wayne thought it would be funny to hide away in a nearby log, and pretend to sleep. I just sat on the bench-like log, and watched him. As soon as Wayne stuffed his head inside, I heard Wayne scream and shove his head out. Wayne ran like crazy up to the path, and disappeared. I sat there pondering why Wayne had screamed and ran away so fast, and that's when I realised why....
A weird looking man (his head was shaved on the east side and the west side was long and scraggly, he wore a dirty old looking coat, his teeth were jutting out of his mouth, and he was just plain ugly!). He looked my way, pushed his head forward, and grunted. That sent me running after Wayne.
I don't know what happened to him, I guess he just crawled back into his log, as I didn't see him again and he didn't bother chasing me!
So we walked pretty far. We went up to the farmland, and wander even further until 10:00 am came about. That's when we decided to head back, and visit the shops. We wander around almost of the town's shops, and then onto the outskirts.
Finally 2:00 pm came about, and that's when Eddie arrived.
That's all for now!
Snowball Fight
Tuesday, February 22nd 2011
This morning I had a snowball fight with Wayne. Of course Wayne won, and I lost! Wayne's super good at throwing balls it's unbelievable! I guess he used to be into sports when he was younger, that is before he discovered LARPing, and PC gaming. He stills watches sports on the TV though.
We couldn't snowball fight for long since Eddie wouldn't let us just wear a coat, boots, gloves and hat for long. He always tries to make us wear a TON of clothing! He told us he doesn't want us to get frostbite! But I think he's just trying to control us, though Wayne doesn't. However Wayne enjoys being taken care of.
While out there, I asked Wayne what he thinks of "Miss Eglantine Good". He asked me "Who's that?" I told him Eddie's baby girl. Then Wayne asked "Since when did Eddie become a father?" Then I told him Eddie considers himself the mother. Wayne burst into laughter, so I threw a large snowball at his face in order to shut him up. We needn't Eddie overhearing us! Wayne asked me "Since when did Eddie become a female?" I told him ever since I met him. Wayne told me he had no idea why Eddie was that way, even though he has known for 5 or more years.
When we went back inside, Eddie was sitting on one of our kitchen chairs holding Miss Eglantine Good. He sweetly smiled at us and told us not to be too loud for we may wake Eglantine. Wayne began chuckling, but Eddie shot him a nasty glare, so that shut him up!
Later on when we were watching TV, Eddie came to us out of nowhere. He sat in between us, grabbed the remote from Wayne's hands, and flicked the TV off. And that's when he turned rather creepy.
He then told us in a rather creepy but sweetsy tone we were being "naughty boys". Wayne asked why, and that's when Eddie sat up and snapped. He screamed at us to never say those rude things we said outside earlier again, and that he was hurt his own little boys could be so cruel!
To shut him up, I screamed "I think I hear Eglantine crying!" That's when he turned his frown upside down, and put back on his mild and sweetsy voice. He told us "Stay still Wayny and Daggy, I'll be back!" That's when we ran like crazy up to Lily's room for safety.
Even though Lily may be a bit disturbed at least she isn't as disturbed as Eddie!
That's all for now!
Baby-stitting
Monday, February 21st 2011
Yesterday Eddie forced me to baby-sit his doll. I kept telling him I'm not good around children, nor "pretend children". That very sentence sent Eddie into a crying hysteria before he slapped me across the face. And now, I've grown rather immune to Eddie's slaps!
Anyway, when I was about to leave Eddie there crying, somehow Eddie had a shovel with him and managed to hit me over the head which sent me into a rather long slumber!
I awoke much later to find myself in my closet with Eddie's doll sitting on one of my boxes watching me. I screamed at first, and then tried to open the door of the closet. Unfortunately for me it was locked! Darn you Eddie!
For at least 3 or more hours I sat there looking at Eddie's creepy doll. Eddie did finally come and unlock my closet's door. It was a horrible experience I must say, and now I will completely steer clear of Eddie! I think I'll go hang out with Wayne!
Eddie's Cooking
Sunday, February 20th 2011
Every day Eddie cooks us all breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now, of course that sounds dandy and nice however it isn't! It's not because of Eddie's cooking (he's quite good!) but because of the hidden substances he puts into our food. They're usually just laxatives, aspirin, and gravol, but sometimes he'll add something which sends us into hysteria, or day and night-long slumbers, or vomiting/diarrhea, or all of them!
When I do eat his food I'm usually fine however once in awhile when he's bored he'll add them!
Lily barely eats his food, as I've said before, she just seems to fancy roadkill and or garbage. Wayne usually will eat his food though sometimes he'll order a pizza or something. But for me I haven't any money to buy food so I have to eat Eddie's stuff.
Now when Eddie cooks/bakes he wears an apron, and sits his doll on a high chair so he can "watch his daughter". I told him it is just a doll! But he slapped me, and called me a "denier". And then he ran over to our kitchen sink and pretended to wash his face however I knew he was crying. For he couldn't seem to hold his pathetic sobbing noises!
So now Eddie's cooking lunch, oh my, oh my!
That's all for now!
Lily the Scavenger
Saturday, February 19th 2011
This afternoon I busied myself by following Lily about on one of her roadkill and garbage feedings. I was absolutely disgusted by her feral-like behaviour! I honestly cannot fathom how a grown woman can drag herself around her local county roads and tar into something splattered against the road or someone's garbage!
I guess hard times have hit ol' Lily! Though she's only 33 or so, and healthy (physically)! Ah well, you sometimes have to accept not everyone will fit in the normal or perfect box! Though I, myself, fit dandy well in the perfect box! But my family could never see it! Oh well, their loss!
Now back to the subject! Lily enjoys scraping roadkill off the local roads, cooking it until it's completely chard, and then shoveling it into her mouth. And for garbage, she's usually just shove it into her mouth without taking a second thought.
Sometimes she'll puke it up and leave but other times she'll puke it up and then shovel it right back into her gaping food-hole!
Lily seems to fancy bringing her garbage bags, and stuffing grass and other softer materials in her garbage bags in order to make herself a bed or pillow. Lily doesn't care for the bed, sheets/comforter, and pillows we provide for her. I think she hungers for her own tactics, and the idea of taking care of herself. She loves being a wild-woman!
That's all for now!
Eddie's Doll "Miss Eglantine Good"
Saturday, February 19th 2011
I've mentioned Eddie's doll in my last post, so I thought I'd give you more information. The details are still somewhat vague to me, but I do know her name is Miss Eglantine Good, her birth date/place January 3rd 2011 in some antique store around Wellington and Waterloo county, her "mother" is Eddie Good (hehe!), and she's Anglo-Saxon descent according to Eddie.
Unknown details; Eddie won't tell me who her father may be, so she's illegitimate I suppose. By the way, every time I ask Eddie who her "father" may be he begins crying and runs off. So I think this guy "broke" Eddie's heart! HAHA!
And one last thing is, no one except of course Eddie, knows why Eddie would pick such a creepy doll for his "daughter". Darn, Eddie's "daughter" is rather unnerving!
I should tell you what she looks like.... Well to start, she has bugged out green eyes, tangled brown and molding hair, rather pale skin, a sharp nose, and she wears a dirty and old green dress though I think Eddie may be replacing it soon. And her eyes just always seem to be watching...everywhere you go....
I feel rather scared right now just thinking of her!
That's all for now!
The Burning Idiot
Saturday, February 19th 2011
This early morning I was awoken by the sound of Wayne screaming. I quickly scurried out of my bed to find the idiot known as Wayne playing with a bonfire in the middle of our backyard. Of course it's winter, however it really isn't snowing too badly, and Wayne managed to clear the snow around it. Anyhow, Wayne had a stick, and he kept whacking at the fire with it, and once it caught flame he would touch it, and then dowse it in the snow nearby.
Anyhow, it really didn't concern me much since he was outside in a tundra-like backyard and pretty far from the house. So I fell back to sleep. However I wasn't able to sleep for long. I heard another scream, this time it was much, MUCH closer than before. And that's when Wayne flung open my door with a lit-torch in one hand and a bucket of water in the other.
He screamed once again, and charged at me! I was too frightened to move so I laid there in shock as he tossed his torch on my bed and then splashed cold water on it. I finally broke my paralisation, and screamed at the top of my lungs. That sent Wayne running off to his room I believe.
So now I have a semi-burned and soaked comforter! Thank you so much Wayne!
Yes, I live with idiotic whackjobs! One loves fire and smells horrible, the other is a grown man who plays with dolls and thinks he's the mother of one of his dolls and us (he calls her "Miss Eglantine Good"), and the other stalks the local country roads in search of roadkill and garbage to eat, and walks/runs on her hands and knees!
That's all for now!
Introduction
Saturday, February 19th 2011
Hello, this is Dagwood Dog the Collector of Weirdness! I'm 35 (born November 5, 1975), still a student, and I live with my friends Wayne Crest, Eddie Good, and Lillian (Lily) Zinger in the outskirts of Fergus. I have a pet, well a kind of dead one, but anyway, he's a rat named the Dead One. I enjoy LARPing, playing PC games, collecting plastic swords, armour, and epic-looking stones/rocks. Now I have a family however I dislike them, for they're stinky and good for nothing n00bs! They needn't be spoken of!
So that's all for now!